Here's the scene:
Me, my boyfriend (who we’ll just call “BF” for now, b/c I fear that if i ever directly refer to him in this blog ever he may no longer BE my boyfriend) and a pizza box are on our way home for a late dinner in front of the DVR when suddenly, steps from my apartment, about 40 people w/ cameras around
their necks, and a handful of teenage girls, come flying around to the restaurant which we’ll just refer to as “Popular-Celebrity-Hangout-Through-Not-Sure-Why-Because-The-Food-Isn't-THAT-Good-And-The Location-Isn’t-THAT-Cool”.....
ME: Tourists Gone Mad?
BF: no, jackass, that's paparazzi
ME: that's weird, there are celebs here all the time but never paparazzi....?
BF: must be someone big
ME: (long pause...then the light goes on...and with the enthusiasm of a crazed-8th grader who’s sipped too much Red Bull) So-and-so person from work saw Jessica Simpson on the street today…..Its NICK AND JESS!
BF: you're right! paparazzi AND teenage girls...must be!
ME: (choosing to ignore the somewhat concerning level of enthusiasm in BF’s voice) want to take a WALK around the block?
BF: um...YEAH!
So we walk around the block and see a million Crazed Camera Folks around every corner, and then we see a black SUV w/ hazards on parked on a side street. We round the block and then we walk past “Popular-Celebrity-Hangout-Through-Not-Sure-Why-Because-The-Food-Isn't-THAT-Good-And-The Location-Isn’t-THAT-Cool” and there, at a table next to the window, is Jessica standing and talking, and Nick sitting next to her. She is TINY TINY TINY and blindingly blond, and Nick looks hot. Surprisingly hot.
ME: Um - any interest in sitting on the bench outside of “Popular-Celebrity-Hangout-Through-Not-Sure-Why-Because-The-Food-Isn't-THAT-Good-And-The Location-Isn’t-THAT-Cool” and eating our pizza out here?
BF: You are brilliant.
So we sit and eat our pizza and then see the SUV pull up.....and then, mayhem. They come out, his arm around her, both kind of ducking down, lead by a HUGE bodyguard, and they get POUNCED but the Crazed Camera Folks (who would, it seems, literally step over their burning mothers to get a good picture of these two). Into the car they go, speeding off down the street, and then Crazed Camera Folks jump in parked cars and FOLLOW them down the street, and all I can think is that an accident is inevitable and suddenly I feel a wave of guilt for ever having bought a issue of US Weekly and supported this madness.....(but then I realized that these two, without a second thought, have just spent more on one dinner than I will spend on my grocery bill for the next 2 months, so that feeling fades quickly....).
And just like that, they were gone, and BF and I returned to our pizza and thanked the good Lord that we could eat undisturbed on the street corner and talked about how lucky we are not to live like that, with people sitting outside of restaurants waiting for us to walk outside just to catch a quick glimpse if us, and what a crazy world we live in that people would actually do that...
