Totally in a weird place right now...I have so much to do - all stuff that I WANT to do and to get started on - and for some reason I am stuck and can't motivate to dive in to any of it. Its like a mental block - for example, I have to do a LOT for this trip to China, including just make a list of what I need to do, and I can't even bring myself to do that (me! the Queen of Listmaking!). I have no idea what's stopping me. There are little "to do" piles all over my desk and a million emails I should respond to...and I can't get myself to do anything. I'm not depressed, its not THAT kind of "un-motivation", but more of a block...not sure how else to explain it.
I think maybe what's going on is that a lot of what I am doing these days - work, projects, classes, etc - are all propelling me forward, which is what I want, but maybe somewhere in my subconscious I am nervous to follow through with many of my plans because I know that they will send me into other directions which are new, unknown, and involve change and risk...I am putting myself out there in a lot of ways and risking failure, public failure, and therefore a bit of humiliation as well. I think i am scared to move on many of my plans because I am scared to fail, or to not do as well as I want.
Or maybe I just need a big drink.
Either way I guess I better stop word-vomiting and get to it...momentum will take over I hope, I just need to get myself started.....
